Husband and Wife

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "


WIFE: ------------------- silence ------------------------

HUSBAND: "Oh ! sh*t"

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Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child????

Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.

"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"

Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"

Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."

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Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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