A man was polishing his new car; his 4 yr old son picked up a stone &Scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.When the child saw his father....with painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless.
He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions... sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. Next day that man committed suicide...
Anger and Love both two have no limits...Always remember.....
"Car,mobile and all other things are to be used"
but "peoples are to be loved"
But the problem in today's world is....
"People are being USED & Things are being LOVED"
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A Story about Onsite...!
Every Software Engineer should read this.
One fine day, Vivek's PL Bhatia asks him whether he has any time for a small
meeting. Vivek obviously has time and so the two go to a conference
room. Bhatia then clears his throat and says "Vivek, there is an on-site
requirement. It is in Covina , Los Angeles . It is for six months. I can
suggest your name. Do you have any problems?"
Vivek cannot believe his ears. Of course why should any one have problems
going to the Sam land. "Of course no Bhatia.. I have no
problems." he says.
Bhatia looks at him very kindly and says "You better draw up your personal
plans with your wife and let me know in a day or two" That's when Vivek
remembers that he has a wife. Then it strikes him that there is a himalayan
problem in front of him. Shobana is working in Wipro. She is in
the middle of a project in which she is a moduleleader. She cannot leave it
all and come to Covinawith Vivek. On the otherhand it will be cruel on
Vivek's part to leave her here and go to Covinafor more than half a year. Moreover,
they have just been married. Vivek can stay back. But one day he has to go..
He cannot stay back in India indefinitely. Project requirements are too
demanding. Shobana can resign Wipro and accompany Vivek. But what is the
guarantee that she would find such a nice job in such a nice company after they come
back from Covina ? So Shobana and Vivek discuss this issue. They reluctantly agree to get separated for six months.
Vivek hugs Shobana in the airport and says "I will be BACK" in a typical
Arnold Scharzegger tone and then boards Delta Airways leaving Shobana in
tears. In Covina Vivek gets lots of work and his stay gets extended by two
more months. The days and months move very slowly. Vivek starts counting
even minutes.
During this period, Shobana's PL Ashish Mehta calls her one day and asks
her whether she has any time for a small meeting. Shobana wonders what
that meeting is.. They go to the conference room and Mehta tells her
about a great on-site requirement in Berlin , Germanyfor their customer.
"It is for six months and you are most suited person for this. I am
going to suggest your name. Do you have any problems?" Mehta asks her.
Shobana gets excited.. Berlin ! She has never been out of India .. So she
instantly nods her head. Mehta then smiles and says "Okay discuss with
your hubby and let me know in a day or two"
That's when Shobana gets the gravity of the situation. It will be two
months before Vivek can come home..... By the time Shobana will have left to
Berlinfor six months. Shobana cannot decline this as this is an
important assignment. That night Vivek spends hundred dollars on
telephone to discuss this matter with Shobana. Finally they decide to go
ahead. Shobana breaks down in the phone and Vivek breaks down thinking
about his phone bill. And then Shobana leaves to Berlin .
One month after that,Vivek comes back to India . Then Shobana calls him
almost everyday and they discuss about all petty things on the phone.
Shobana applies for a loan to clear her telephone bills. Vivek gets into
a new project which is not yet started. His PL Prateek Ray calls him one
day and says that he has to go to ToledoOhiofor the requirement analysis
of that project. Vivek frantically says no. Shobana is arriving next month. He doesn't
want to miss her. But Ray assures him that the work is only for one month and
that he would be back before Shobana comes to India . Thus Vivek flies to
ToledoOhioand gets into the requirement analysis of the new project.
That's when he comes to know how difficult it is to retrieve information
from the users. You can design a system the user wants only when the
user knows what he wants. Vivek gets baffled by the questions his users
put..
"Do you think I need those fields "GMG_TYPE_HJHJ_TW" and
"Auto_level_ind"?What are they by the way?" The requirements analysis
stage continues for three full months at this pace. Shobana comes to Indiaone
month after that. And she tells her PL that she doesn't want anymore
on-site assignments. "I understand" says Mehta and she desperately waits for Vivek to come back to India .. It has already been two months over a year
since they last met. Vivek then gets the role of an on-site co-ordinator
for this customer. He calls Shobana that night and they really don't
know what to do. Shobana offers to resign her job and join him in Toledo . But
she is getting 21 grand per month in Indiaand Vivek doesn't want to lose
that. "Two more months Shobana and I promise I will be back" Shobana
retorts back, "There is no solution for this problem." Vivek gets
surprised. "What are you talking about?" he asks her. Shobana fights back her tears. "As long as I am in Wipro I will be getting a lot of on-site opportunities. Even if I
decline all of them, what about you? You also work for a software
company and there you need to go abroad almost once every quarter.
I cannot accompany you as you don't want me to resign my job here. Does
that mean we have to stay like this forever? Vivek! I love you and I
don't know how I spent fifteen months without even seeing you once. I
may not recognize you also if you come in front of me now... Tell me Vivek,
is there a solution for this problem?" Vivek doesn't speak anything for a
moment. He then realizes the truth in her sentences. It is a neverending
problem.
But what about the 20 grand she is getting per month?
"Vivek, is money everything? Can't we comfortably live with what you are
getting? Please Vivek, try to understand the situation" Shobana breaks
down. Vivek is still undecided. He married a software engineer with a
hope that with two incomes he would have a good deal of money to plan their
future."Let us face the reality, Vivek" Shobana says, "How much are you
paying for the phone calls now? More than 20 grand per month.
If I am with you there will your phone bill be so astronomical? Just
tell me one thing. Won't you be happy having me there with you?" Shobana
slowly turns hysterical. Vivek gets into the crux of the situation. It is true.
He has been spending around 600 to 700 dollars per month on Indiacalls...
that is far more than what Shobana is getting then. He thinks and
thinks..for two days he does nothing else but thinking. Finally he decides that
he should have Shobana with him all the time from then onwards at any cost.
Shobana gladly prepares the resignation letter and submits it. Her PL
smiles and says "You've made the right decision Shobana..
congratulations for the bold step. I understand your problems. Anyway! you have a three
months notice period here, right? We have a one month assignment in
Singapore ......"
MORAL : No software professional should marry another software professional.... unless one of them is ready to resign.
One fine day, Vivek's PL Bhatia asks him whether he has any time for a small
meeting. Vivek obviously has time and so the two go to a conference
room. Bhatia then clears his throat and says "Vivek, there is an on-site
requirement. It is in Covina , Los Angeles . It is for six months. I can
suggest your name. Do you have any problems?"
Vivek cannot believe his ears. Of course why should any one have problems
going to the Sam land. "Of course no Bhatia.. I have no
problems." he says.
Bhatia looks at him very kindly and says "You better draw up your personal
plans with your wife and let me know in a day or two" That's when Vivek
remembers that he has a wife. Then it strikes him that there is a himalayan
problem in front of him. Shobana is working in Wipro. She is in
the middle of a project in which she is a moduleleader. She cannot leave it
all and come to Covinawith Vivek. On the otherhand it will be cruel on
Vivek's part to leave her here and go to Covinafor more than half a year. Moreover,
they have just been married. Vivek can stay back. But one day he has to go..
He cannot stay back in India indefinitely. Project requirements are too
demanding. Shobana can resign Wipro and accompany Vivek. But what is the
guarantee that she would find such a nice job in such a nice company after they come
back from Covina ? So Shobana and Vivek discuss this issue. They reluctantly agree to get separated for six months.
Vivek hugs Shobana in the airport and says "I will be BACK" in a typical
Arnold Scharzegger tone and then boards Delta Airways leaving Shobana in
tears. In Covina Vivek gets lots of work and his stay gets extended by two
more months. The days and months move very slowly. Vivek starts counting
even minutes.
During this period, Shobana's PL Ashish Mehta calls her one day and asks
her whether she has any time for a small meeting. Shobana wonders what
that meeting is.. They go to the conference room and Mehta tells her
about a great on-site requirement in Berlin , Germanyfor their customer.
"It is for six months and you are most suited person for this. I am
going to suggest your name. Do you have any problems?" Mehta asks her.
Shobana gets excited.. Berlin ! She has never been out of India .. So she
instantly nods her head. Mehta then smiles and says "Okay discuss with
your hubby and let me know in a day or two"
That's when Shobana gets the gravity of the situation. It will be two
months before Vivek can come home..... By the time Shobana will have left to
Berlinfor six months. Shobana cannot decline this as this is an
important assignment. That night Vivek spends hundred dollars on
telephone to discuss this matter with Shobana. Finally they decide to go
ahead. Shobana breaks down in the phone and Vivek breaks down thinking
about his phone bill. And then Shobana leaves to Berlin .
One month after that,Vivek comes back to India . Then Shobana calls him
almost everyday and they discuss about all petty things on the phone.
Shobana applies for a loan to clear her telephone bills. Vivek gets into
a new project which is not yet started. His PL Prateek Ray calls him one
day and says that he has to go to ToledoOhiofor the requirement analysis
of that project. Vivek frantically says no. Shobana is arriving next month. He doesn't
want to miss her. But Ray assures him that the work is only for one month and
that he would be back before Shobana comes to India . Thus Vivek flies to
ToledoOhioand gets into the requirement analysis of the new project.
That's when he comes to know how difficult it is to retrieve information
from the users. You can design a system the user wants only when the
user knows what he wants. Vivek gets baffled by the questions his users
put..
"Do you think I need those fields "GMG_TYPE_HJHJ_TW" and
"Auto_level_ind"?What are they by the way?" The requirements analysis
stage continues for three full months at this pace. Shobana comes to Indiaone
month after that. And she tells her PL that she doesn't want anymore
on-site assignments. "I understand" says Mehta and she desperately waits for Vivek to come back to India .. It has already been two months over a year
since they last met. Vivek then gets the role of an on-site co-ordinator
for this customer. He calls Shobana that night and they really don't
know what to do. Shobana offers to resign her job and join him in Toledo . But
she is getting 21 grand per month in Indiaand Vivek doesn't want to lose
that. "Two more months Shobana and I promise I will be back" Shobana
retorts back, "There is no solution for this problem." Vivek gets
surprised. "What are you talking about?" he asks her. Shobana fights back her tears. "As long as I am in Wipro I will be getting a lot of on-site opportunities. Even if I
decline all of them, what about you? You also work for a software
company and there you need to go abroad almost once every quarter.
I cannot accompany you as you don't want me to resign my job here. Does
that mean we have to stay like this forever? Vivek! I love you and I
don't know how I spent fifteen months without even seeing you once. I
may not recognize you also if you come in front of me now... Tell me Vivek,
is there a solution for this problem?" Vivek doesn't speak anything for a
moment. He then realizes the truth in her sentences. It is a neverending
problem.
But what about the 20 grand she is getting per month?
"Vivek, is money everything? Can't we comfortably live with what you are
getting? Please Vivek, try to understand the situation" Shobana breaks
down. Vivek is still undecided. He married a software engineer with a
hope that with two incomes he would have a good deal of money to plan their
future."Let us face the reality, Vivek" Shobana says, "How much are you
paying for the phone calls now? More than 20 grand per month.
If I am with you there will your phone bill be so astronomical? Just
tell me one thing. Won't you be happy having me there with you?" Shobana
slowly turns hysterical. Vivek gets into the crux of the situation. It is true.
He has been spending around 600 to 700 dollars per month on Indiacalls...
that is far more than what Shobana is getting then. He thinks and
thinks..for two days he does nothing else but thinking. Finally he decides that
he should have Shobana with him all the time from then onwards at any cost.
Shobana gladly prepares the resignation letter and submits it. Her PL
smiles and says "You've made the right decision Shobana..
congratulations for the bold step. I understand your problems. Anyway! you have a three
months notice period here, right? We have a one month assignment in
Singapore ......"
MORAL : No software professional should marry another software professional.... unless one of them is ready to resign.
Jokes 19+
A girl went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Coach : Mam, here two piece costume is not allowed.
Girl : Kaun sa Utaroon? !!!
****************************************************************************
One day a man goes to bank for withdrawing cash.
Lady cashier asked: So so ke loge?
Man replied: Khade khade bhi chalega.
****************************************************************************
A Girl lodging a FIR report against the Rapist
Girl : Inspector saab,
char mein ek ne mere breast pakde,
ek ne meri gand mari,
ek ne choda,
ek ne chooma.
Inspector : Bus kar, FIR likha rahi hai....
Ya land khada kar rahi hai.
****************************************************************************
A lady lost 3 panties in her house.
She asked her husband but he didn't know.
Husband asked maid.
Maid replied: Saab, aapko to maloom hai mai aandar kuchh nahi pahanti.
****************************************************************************
Man went to a bakery & asks
MAN : Abe pau hai kya?
BAKERYWALA : To kya madarchod, lund pe khada hu kya?
****************************************************************************
A Lady dashes a man while getting in the bus ....
Man : Apne santre sambhaliye ma'm, they disturb me.
Lady : (Angrily) Tumko kya, santre mere hai na.
Man : Haan par juice to mera nikal raha hai.
****************************************************************************
Teacher: Kya cheez muh mein nahin leni chahiye.
Student: Jalta hua bulb
Teacher: Why ?
Student: kal raat ko mummy papa se keh rdhi thi "Bulb bujha do to
muh mein loongi"
****************************************************************************
Sardar : How u got pregnant without me?
Wife : I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar : Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size ka hai,
samaan Kahan hai?
****************************************************************************
Sardar with big tummy go for walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask : Ye matka kitne ka?
He lift lungi & says : Nul ke saath 450 ka.
****************************************************************************
A sardar havin sex with his wife when his condom went in.
wife asked: Ab kya hoga?
Sardar: kuchh nahi, bachcha pagdi ke saath aaega.
****************************************************************************
Sardar : Maine ladka maanga tha ladki kaise ho gayi?
Sardarni : Tumhare bharose rahati to ye bhi nahi hoti.
****************************************************************************
A sardar gave 36 roses to his GF, who thrilled, undresses lies
Down spreads her legs & says: "This is for the roses."
Sardar: "Why, cant you find a vase."
****************************************************************************
A crow shits on a sardar, sardarni hands over tissue to sardarji.
Sardar says: Ab kiski gaand ponchhu, kawwa to udd gaya.
****************************************************************************
Sardar : Lets try something different. Do it in ears.
Sardarni : Hohji, main behra ho gayi to?
Sardar : Aaj tak goongi hui kya?
****************************************************************************
(A man visits his doctor and.....)
Man : Doc, mera khada nahi hota hai.
Doctor : do u have girlfriend?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u visit pros?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u go for mujra?
Man : No
Doctor : To khada karke uspar kya calendar taangega?
Coach : Mam, here two piece costume is not allowed.
Girl : Kaun sa Utaroon? !!!
****************************************************************************
One day a man goes to bank for withdrawing cash.
Lady cashier asked: So so ke loge?
Man replied: Khade khade bhi chalega.
****************************************************************************
A Girl lodging a FIR report against the Rapist
Girl : Inspector saab,
char mein ek ne mere breast pakde,
ek ne meri gand mari,
ek ne choda,
ek ne chooma.
Inspector : Bus kar, FIR likha rahi hai....
Ya land khada kar rahi hai.
****************************************************************************
A lady lost 3 panties in her house.
She asked her husband but he didn't know.
Husband asked maid.
Maid replied: Saab, aapko to maloom hai mai aandar kuchh nahi pahanti.
****************************************************************************
Man went to a bakery & asks
MAN : Abe pau hai kya?
BAKERYWALA : To kya madarchod, lund pe khada hu kya?
****************************************************************************
A Lady dashes a man while getting in the bus ....
Man : Apne santre sambhaliye ma'm, they disturb me.
Lady : (Angrily) Tumko kya, santre mere hai na.
Man : Haan par juice to mera nikal raha hai.
****************************************************************************
Teacher: Kya cheez muh mein nahin leni chahiye.
Student: Jalta hua bulb
Teacher: Why ?
Student: kal raat ko mummy papa se keh rdhi thi "Bulb bujha do to
muh mein loongi"
****************************************************************************
Sardar : How u got pregnant without me?
Wife : I was praying ur ID photo daily.
Sardar : Chutiya banati hai, photo to passport size ka hai,
samaan Kahan hai?
****************************************************************************
Sardar with big tummy go for walk in lungi.
One girl jokingly ask : Ye matka kitne ka?
He lift lungi & says : Nul ke saath 450 ka.
****************************************************************************
A sardar havin sex with his wife when his condom went in.
wife asked: Ab kya hoga?
Sardar: kuchh nahi, bachcha pagdi ke saath aaega.
****************************************************************************
Sardar : Maine ladka maanga tha ladki kaise ho gayi?
Sardarni : Tumhare bharose rahati to ye bhi nahi hoti.
****************************************************************************
A sardar gave 36 roses to his GF, who thrilled, undresses lies
Down spreads her legs & says: "This is for the roses."
Sardar: "Why, cant you find a vase."
****************************************************************************
A crow shits on a sardar, sardarni hands over tissue to sardarji.
Sardar says: Ab kiski gaand ponchhu, kawwa to udd gaya.
****************************************************************************
Sardar : Lets try something different. Do it in ears.
Sardarni : Hohji, main behra ho gayi to?
Sardar : Aaj tak goongi hui kya?
****************************************************************************
(A man visits his doctor and.....)
Man : Doc, mera khada nahi hota hai.
Doctor : do u have girlfriend?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u visit pros?
Man : No
Doctor : Do u go for mujra?
Man : No
Doctor : To khada karke uspar kya calendar taangega?
A TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers
Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai
She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..
She: Hello!
He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song..
(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .... ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha
She: *giggles*
He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..
He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai ... ) Come on! Please!
She: hat ...I don't sing that well
He: ( yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-) ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear
She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan
He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho...
He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok
She: I don't have that great a voice
He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm
She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??
He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!
He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho
He: ( Maalum pada na ... phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u cool
She: Hmmm
He: please gaao na darling
She: main kal gaau?
He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too...
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,
She: Hey..sogaye the kya?
He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho
He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok... purani
match hai.
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..
He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all. You
sing very well
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
keh raha hai
She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..
She: Hello!
He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song..
(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")
He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .... ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha
She: *giggles*
He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..
He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai ... ) Come on! Please!
She: hat ...I don't sing that well
He: ( yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-) ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear
She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan
He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho...
He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok
She: I don't have that great a voice
He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm
She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??
He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool
(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)
She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!
He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho
He: ( Maalum pada na ... phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u cool
She: Hmmm
He: please gaao na darling
She: main kal gaau?
He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too...
After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,
She: Hey..sogaye the kya?
He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho
He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok... purani
match hai.
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?
(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)
He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()
She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'
He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..
He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all. You
sing very well
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!
A Small Story…
A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of
marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that
he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl
agreed.
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave
the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had
promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as
he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way
he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a
relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has
given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any
relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your
hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.
marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that
he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl
agreed.
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave
the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had
promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as
he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way
he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a
relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has
given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any
relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your
hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Funny
A New Teacher Joins school
He Finds Two Boys Similar In Appearance.
Teacher asks - "kya TUM Judva ho.??
Boy-: jee nahi..Hum Padosi hain
............ ......... ......... ......... ....
BHAKT - Bhagwan mujhe wardan do ki mai marne ke bad phir zinda ho sakun.
BANGWAN- Ye mere bas ki bat nahi hai putra, ye sirf Ekta Kapoor kar sakti hai.
............ ......... .......... ......... ....
A Rocket & a Plane meet after ages.
Plane says:" yaar rocket tu itni tez raftaar se kaise udh jate ho?"
Rocket replies "yeh toh wohi jaane jis ke Peechwade main AAG lagi ho...."
............ ......... ......... .......... ....
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
................
Old Age - After 70 years
An older couple was lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
He Finds Two Boys Similar In Appearance.
Teacher asks - "kya TUM Judva ho.??
Boy-: jee nahi..Hum Padosi hain
............ ......... ......... ......... ....
BHAKT - Bhagwan mujhe wardan do ki mai marne ke bad phir zinda ho sakun.
BANGWAN- Ye mere bas ki bat nahi hai putra, ye sirf Ekta Kapoor kar sakti hai.
............ ......... .......... ......... ....
A Rocket & a Plane meet after ages.
Plane says:" yaar rocket tu itni tez raftaar se kaise udh jate ho?"
Rocket replies "yeh toh wohi jaane jis ke Peechwade main AAG lagi ho...."
............ ......... ......... .......... ....
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
................
Old Age - After 70 years
An older couple was lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
Letters from Husband and Wife
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Some Definitions
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Vasim bhai pani lao... 19+
Ek din ek lady shop se parrot kharidne gyi....
Usne dukandar se kaha vasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....
Dukandar ne use ek tota dikaya...
Lady ne pucha is tote ki khas bat kya hai vasim bhai...
Dukan dar bola ye tota bolta hai
Lady ne kaha acha..
Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin
"Bahen ki laudi randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.
Lady ne kaha vasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij tota hai gali deta hai..
Vasim bhai use ander le gya aur pani me dubaya aur pucha... Gali dega....
Tota. Hain dunga
Vasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gali dega"
Tota.... hain dunga....
Vasim ne phir pani me dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..
Is bar tota man gya aur kaha nhi dunga bhai nahi dunga,,,,,
Vo use bahar le gya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nhi dega..
Tab lady ne usse pucha ....
Agr mere ghar par mere sath ek aadmi aye to tum kya sochoge.
Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..
Lady..agr do aadmi aye to kya.
Tota.tumhara pati aur devar,
Lady.agr tin aadmi ..
Tota.tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhayiya.
Lady ...agr char aadmi aye to....
Tota.....
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,.,
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,.,
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,.,
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vasim bhai pani lao...Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki "behen ki laudi randi hai".
Usne dukandar se kaha vasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....
Dukandar ne use ek tota dikaya...
Lady ne pucha is tote ki khas bat kya hai vasim bhai...
Dukan dar bola ye tota bolta hai
Lady ne kaha acha..
Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin
"Bahen ki laudi randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.
Lady ne kaha vasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij tota hai gali deta hai..
Vasim bhai use ander le gya aur pani me dubaya aur pucha... Gali dega....
Tota. Hain dunga
Vasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gali dega"
Tota.... hain dunga....
Vasim ne phir pani me dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..
Is bar tota man gya aur kaha nhi dunga bhai nahi dunga,,,,,
Vo use bahar le gya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nhi dega..
Tab lady ne usse pucha ....
Agr mere ghar par mere sath ek aadmi aye to tum kya sochoge.
Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..
Lady..agr do aadmi aye to kya.
Tota.tumhara pati aur devar,
Lady.agr tin aadmi ..
Tota.tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhayiya.
Lady ...agr char aadmi aye to....
Tota.....
,,
.
,.
,.
.
,.
,.
,.
.,
.
,.,
.,
.,
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.,
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.
,.
,.,
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,.,
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vasim bhai pani lao...Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki "behen ki laudi randi hai".
Actual ways of Marketing
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am
very rich, Will you Marry me? - That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One
of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: He is very rich.
Will you Marry him? - That's Advertising.
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: Hi, I'm very rich, Will
you Marry me? - That's Telemarketing.
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your
tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the
car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then
say: By the way, I'm rich, Will you Marry me? - That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich, Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition.
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very
rich, Will you Marry me? And she introduces you to her husband. - That's
demand and supply gap.
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say
anything, another person come and tell her: I'm rich, Will you marry me?
And she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share.
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: I'm rich, Will you Marry me? your wife arrives. - That's restriction
for entering new markets.
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very
rich, Will you Marry me? She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -
That's Customer Feedback.
very rich, Will you Marry me? - That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One
of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: He is very rich.
Will you Marry him? - That's Advertising.
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: Hi, I'm very rich, Will
you Marry me? - That's Telemarketing.
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your
tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the
car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then
say: By the way, I'm rich, Will you Marry me? - That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich, Can you marry me? - That's Brand Recognition.
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very
rich, Will you Marry me? And she introduces you to her husband. - That's
demand and supply gap.
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say
anything, another person come and tell her: I'm rich, Will you marry me?
And she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share.
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: I'm rich, Will you Marry me? your wife arrives. - That's restriction
for entering new markets.
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very
rich, Will you Marry me? She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -
That's Customer Feedback.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
When you are gone...
When I was young, you looked so tall
And I felt so small
I'd hold your hand and stare into your eyes
And all the fear I felt inside blew away with the wind
It was hard not to be afraid in this big old place
But with you, I knew I was safe
It was a big wide world
And I was daddy's little girl
You were everything to me
You're still everything I need
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
The pictures on the wall, the ghost of your voice down the hall
It all reminds me of you
But they're just visions in the dark, memories on my heart
There's still so much I wish you knew
It was a big wide world
And I was daddy's little girl
You were everything to me
You're still everything I need
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
When you're gone
I can't breathe
When you're gone
I'm drowning in my grief
When you're gone
I'm still that little girl
When you're gone
I'm still alone in that big wide world
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
You're still everything to me
You'll always be everything I need
And I felt so small
I'd hold your hand and stare into your eyes
And all the fear I felt inside blew away with the wind
It was hard not to be afraid in this big old place
But with you, I knew I was safe
It was a big wide world
And I was daddy's little girl
You were everything to me
You're still everything I need
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
The pictures on the wall, the ghost of your voice down the hall
It all reminds me of you
But they're just visions in the dark, memories on my heart
There's still so much I wish you knew
It was a big wide world
And I was daddy's little girl
You were everything to me
You're still everything I need
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
When you're gone
I can't breathe
When you're gone
I'm drowning in my grief
When you're gone
I'm still that little girl
When you're gone
I'm still alone in that big wide world
It's hard to walk through life without a map
Thinking of the life you had
Cursing everything that seems so wrong
It's hard to walk alone
When you can't find your way back home
It's hard 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone
You're still everything to me
You'll always be everything I need
EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS
Ques: Prove that 2/10=2
Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus" or incorrect.
but
Engineering Students never knows what is correct answer, he/she always think, we are Engineering student and so we should think differently and invent new miracles
So engineering student will solve this example as below
2=two,
10=ten.
therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.
therefore
w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19
Therefore wo/en=38/19= 2.
Hence Proved
FOR, Engineers " It doesn't matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he."
Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus" or incorrect.
but
Engineering Students never knows what is correct answer, he/she always think, we are Engineering student and so we should think differently and invent new miracles
So engineering student will solve this example as below
2=two,
10=ten.
therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.
therefore
w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19
Therefore wo/en=38/19= 2.
Hence Proved
FOR, Engineers " It doesn't matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he."
THE LAW OF THE SEED
Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the Tree, each with ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds!
We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more Trees?"
Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Most seeds never Grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you better try More than once."
This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.
You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum Cleaner, insurance policy, idea...
And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.
When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed.
We stop feeling like victims. Laws of nature are not things to take personally.
We just need to understand them - and work with them.
We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more Trees?"
Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Most seeds never Grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you better try More than once."
This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.
You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum Cleaner, insurance policy, idea...
And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.
When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed.
We stop feeling like victims. Laws of nature are not things to take personally.
We just need to understand them - and work with them.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS
1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.
5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.
6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.
7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered will increase the concentration of CO2 (carbon dioxide) and decrease the concentration of O2 Oxygen) that may lead to the brain damaging effects...
8. Working your brain during illness
<
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.
9.. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.
10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.
The main causes of liver damage are:
1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and
Artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil.
Try to reduce the use of cooking oil when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done)
Foods also add to the burden of liver. Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary
Chemicals according to "schedule."
Because……….
Here comes the reason.
Evening at 9 - 11 PM:
It is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes).This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.
Evening at 11pm - 1 am:
It is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 1 - 3 am:
The detoxification process in the gall is ideally done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 3 - 5 am:
It is the time of detoxification in the lungs. Therefore, there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.
Morning 5 - 7am:
The time of detoxification in the colon, so you should empty your bowel.
Morning 7 - 9 am:
The absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time.
Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30 am, for those who are sick.
Breakfast before 7:30 am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit.
Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast
Late until 9 - 10 am rather than no meal at all.
Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.
5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.
6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.
7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered will increase the concentration of CO2 (carbon dioxide) and decrease the concentration of O2 Oxygen) that may lead to the brain damaging effects...
8. Working your brain during illness
<
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.
9.. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.
10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.
The main causes of liver damage are:
1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and
Artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil.
Try to reduce the use of cooking oil when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done)
Foods also add to the burden of liver. Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary
Chemicals according to "schedule."
Because……….
Here comes the reason.
Evening at 9 - 11 PM:
It is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes).This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.
Evening at 11pm - 1 am:
It is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 1 - 3 am:
The detoxification process in the gall is ideally done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 3 - 5 am:
It is the time of detoxification in the lungs. Therefore, there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.
Morning 5 - 7am:
The time of detoxification in the colon, so you should empty your bowel.
Morning 7 - 9 am:
The absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time.
Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30 am, for those who are sick.
Breakfast before 7:30 am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit.
Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast
Late until 9 - 10 am rather than no meal at all.
Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late
Perception
Perception...Its all in your mind!
A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked, 'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to IIM (Indian Institute Of Management)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'
A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked, 'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to IIM (Indian Institute Of Management)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'
Monday, July 20, 2009
Love and Marriage
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field
and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to
pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one
waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to
realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know
he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better
one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field
and choose the biggest corn and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to
pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat
the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked
one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for
one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one
you get.... This is marriage."
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field
and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to
pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one
waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to
realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know
he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better
one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field
and choose the biggest corn and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to
pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat
the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked
one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for
one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one
you get.... This is marriage."
ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.......
1. Soldier : SIR We are surrounded from all sides by enemies
Major : Excellent ! We can attack in any direction.
2 Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented phones but
he never made a call to his family... because his wife and daughter
were deaf.
THAT'S LIFE " LIVE FOR OTHERS " .
3. The worst in life is "ATTACHMENT " It hurts when you lose something
you are attached to.
The best thing in life is "loneliness" because it gives you time to
think and teaches you almost everything AND when you LOSE it you GET
EVERYTHING.
4. LIFE is not about the people who act true to your face ........ ITS
ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK ...
5. When an egg is broken from the outside force .....A LIFE ENDS .
but when broken from within........LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGAN FROM WITHIN.
6. Its better to lose your ego to the one you love than to lose the
one you love.. ........ BECAUSE OF YOUR EGO.
7. A Relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands in good
times..... BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY IN ANY CRITICAL
SITUATION.
8. HEATED GOLD becomes an ornament. BEATEN COPPER is made into wires.
DEPLETED STONE becomes a statue.
SO THE MORE PAIN YOU GO THROUGH IN YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME
9. Why do we have so many temples , IF GOD is everywhere?
A WISE MAN ANSWERED : AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FORCE/WAY
TO FEEL IT .
10. TOLERANCE is the greatest gift of the MIND :
IT REQUIRES THE SAME EFFORT OF THE BRAIN THAT IT TAKES TO BALANCE
ONESELF ON A BICYCLE..........
11. When you TRUST someone, trust him completely without any doubt.............
At the end you would get one of the two : EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR
LIFE OR A VERY GOOD FRIEND
Major : Excellent ! We can attack in any direction.
2 Everyone knows about Alexander Graham Bell who invented phones but
he never made a call to his family... because his wife and daughter
were deaf.
THAT'S LIFE " LIVE FOR OTHERS " .
3. The worst in life is "ATTACHMENT " It hurts when you lose something
you are attached to.
The best thing in life is "loneliness" because it gives you time to
think and teaches you almost everything AND when you LOSE it you GET
EVERYTHING.
4. LIFE is not about the people who act true to your face ........ ITS
ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK ...
5. When an egg is broken from the outside force .....A LIFE ENDS .
but when broken from within........LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGAN FROM WITHIN.
6. Its better to lose your ego to the one you love than to lose the
one you love.. ........ BECAUSE OF YOUR EGO.
7. A Relationship doesn't shine by just shaking hands in good
times..... BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY IN ANY CRITICAL
SITUATION.
8. HEATED GOLD becomes an ornament. BEATEN COPPER is made into wires.
DEPLETED STONE becomes a statue.
SO THE MORE PAIN YOU GO THROUGH IN YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME
9. Why do we have so many temples , IF GOD is everywhere?
A WISE MAN ANSWERED : AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FORCE/WAY
TO FEEL IT .
10. TOLERANCE is the greatest gift of the MIND :
IT REQUIRES THE SAME EFFORT OF THE BRAIN THAT IT TAKES TO BALANCE
ONESELF ON A BICYCLE..........
11. When you TRUST someone, trust him completely without any doubt.............
At the end you would get one of the two : EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR
LIFE OR A VERY GOOD FRIEND
Friday, July 10, 2009
Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
love marriage
Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
arrange marriage
Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
love marriage
Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents) is not responding.
Arranged Marriage
Compatible with hardware( Parents).
love marriage
You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage
You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
love marriage
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage
All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.
love marriage
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash....
Arranged Marriage
Arranged Marriage is like Unix .... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.
Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
arrange marriage
Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
love marriage
Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents) is not responding.
Arranged Marriage
Compatible with hardware( Parents).
love marriage
You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage
You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
love marriage
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage
All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.
love marriage
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash....
Arranged Marriage
Arranged Marriage is like Unix .... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.
Jokes - 11
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
==================================================
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
==================================================
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
==================================================
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
==================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
==================================================
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
==================================================
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
==================================================
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
==================================================
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!
==================================================
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, that's confidential!
==================================================
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints…
=================================================
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
*******
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
****
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
*****
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
********
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
*******
Teacher: (1)There is a frog,(2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
*******
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
********
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
*******
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
==================================================
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
==================================================
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
==================================================
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
==================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
==================================================
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
==================================================
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
==================================================
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
==================================================
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!
==================================================
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, that's confidential!
==================================================
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints…
=================================================
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
*******
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
****
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
*****
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
********
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
*******
Teacher: (1)There is a frog,(2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
*******
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
********
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
*******
Why do Women Cry?
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he asked God. He said, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
" When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he asked God. He said, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
" When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
3 Things in Life
* Three things in life that, once gone, never come back - *
*Time*
*Words*
*Opportunity*
*
**
Three things in life that may never be lost - *
*Peace*
*Hope*
*Honesty*
*
**
Three things in life that are most valuable - *
*Love*
*Self-confidence*
*Friends*
*
**
Three things in life that are never certain - *
*Dreams*
*Success*
*Fortune*
*
**
Three things that make a man/woman - *
*
Hard work**
*
Sincerity
Commitment
*
**
Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -** *
* ** Alcohol*
Pride
Anger
*
**
Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up - *
*Respect** *
Trust
Friendship
*
**
Three things in life that never fail -*
*True Love*
Determination
Belief
*Time*
*Words*
*Opportunity*
*
**
Three things in life that may never be lost - *
*Peace*
*Hope*
*Honesty*
*
**
Three things in life that are most valuable - *
*Love*
*Self-confidence*
*Friends*
*
**
Three things in life that are never certain - *
*Dreams*
*Success*
*Fortune*
*
**
Three things that make a man/woman - *
*
Hard work**
*
Sincerity
Commitment
*
**
Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -** *
* ** Alcohol*
Pride
Anger
*
**
Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up - *
*Respect** *
Trust
Friendship
*
**
Three things in life that never fail -*
*True Love*
Determination
Belief
Funny Shayari
Lamha lamha waqt guzar jayega
Saat pheron ke saath koi tumse bandh jayega.
Abhi bhi waqt hai kisi se affair kar lo
Kya pata kal kaun sa model tumhe saunpa jayega..
Tum paas ho to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
Kyun log dekho mobile khareedte hain ?
Kabhi game toh kabhi gane sunte hain…
Lekin jab bhi sms mangao unse..
Kanjoos,baatein koi dooji karte hain !!!
Class ki har ladki ek phool hai,
Usse chahna ek bhool hai.
Jo inki soch mein gul hai,
Samjho uski Compartmental ke chances full hai..
Har Sawal Se Dat Kar Ladna,
Fekne Me Kami Mat Karna,
Mouka Mila To Peche Bhi Dekhna,
Aur Ek Baath Yaad Rakhna,
Aage Wala Ka Paper Apna Samajhna
Ishq main yeh anjaam paaya hai
Haath pair tute, muh se khun aaya hai
Hospital pauhnche to nurson ne farmaya
'Baharon phool barsao
Kisi ka mehboob aaya hai'
Ummid ki Imarat deh gayi,
Aankhon se aansu ki nadi beh gayi,
Tumhaari kya izzat reh gayi,
Jab padosi ki ladki tumhe bhaiyya keh gayi!!!
Ho chuki hai raat bahot ab so bhi jaayeye
Jo hai dil ke kareeb uske kahayalon mein bhi kho jaayeye
Kar raha hoga koi intezaar aapka
Khawabon mein hi sahi mil to aayeye
Mujhe sirf teri hi pyaas lagti hai
Har samay tere aane ki aas lagti hai
Teri deewangi mein iss kadar deewane ho gaye
Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai
Designer dress pehante ho
Modern style rakhte ho
Dil mein jalan aur
Face par smile rakhte ho
Baat karni aati nahin
Phir bhi mobile rakhte ho
Phool se pehle khusboo ko to dekho,
karne se pehle kaam ko to dekho,
kisike roop mein diwana naa bano,
surat se pehle uske dil ko to dekho
Saat pheron ke saath koi tumse bandh jayega.
Abhi bhi waqt hai kisi se affair kar lo
Kya pata kal kaun sa model tumhe saunpa jayega..
Tum paas ho to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
Kyun log dekho mobile khareedte hain ?
Kabhi game toh kabhi gane sunte hain…
Lekin jab bhi sms mangao unse..
Kanjoos,baatein koi dooji karte hain !!!
Class ki har ladki ek phool hai,
Usse chahna ek bhool hai.
Jo inki soch mein gul hai,
Samjho uski Compartmental ke chances full hai..
Har Sawal Se Dat Kar Ladna,
Fekne Me Kami Mat Karna,
Mouka Mila To Peche Bhi Dekhna,
Aur Ek Baath Yaad Rakhna,
Aage Wala Ka Paper Apna Samajhna
Ishq main yeh anjaam paaya hai
Haath pair tute, muh se khun aaya hai
Hospital pauhnche to nurson ne farmaya
'Baharon phool barsao
Kisi ka mehboob aaya hai'
Ummid ki Imarat deh gayi,
Aankhon se aansu ki nadi beh gayi,
Tumhaari kya izzat reh gayi,
Jab padosi ki ladki tumhe bhaiyya keh gayi!!!
Ho chuki hai raat bahot ab so bhi jaayeye
Jo hai dil ke kareeb uske kahayalon mein bhi kho jaayeye
Kar raha hoga koi intezaar aapka
Khawabon mein hi sahi mil to aayeye
Mujhe sirf teri hi pyaas lagti hai
Har samay tere aane ki aas lagti hai
Teri deewangi mein iss kadar deewane ho gaye
Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai
Designer dress pehante ho
Modern style rakhte ho
Dil mein jalan aur
Face par smile rakhte ho
Baat karni aati nahin
Phir bhi mobile rakhte ho
Phool se pehle khusboo ko to dekho,
karne se pehle kaam ko to dekho,
kisike roop mein diwana naa bano,
surat se pehle uske dil ko to dekho
Jokes - 10 (Tamil)
RAJINI padam na Theatre la paaru,
Surya Padam na TV la paaru..
Vijay padam na CD la paaru..
Ajith padam na, Poster la mattum paaru..(dont take risk..!)
******************************************
THE BEST ONE - MARK ANTONY: Baaaashaa...!! Naan vunna "Vallavan" Padam kaatti 3 hours la mudikuren..!
BASHA: Konjam Ange paaru kanna..!! Naan vunna Dharmapuri Trailor kaatti 3'e Second la mudikuren..!
*****************************************
Vijayakanth: Naan Jaya TV mela Case podanum..!
Police: Yedhuku Captian?
VK: Naan Katchi arambichathai "Vilaiyaattu Seithiyila pottu irukiraanga "
** *******************************************
Thondan: Thalaivaa..! Naama moosam poittomm..!
Vijayakanth: en? yenna aachu?
Thondan: Unga latest padam "Dharmapuri" ya indha vaaram "POGO TV" la pooduraangalam..!
*****************
First world war 1914
Death: 10000
Second World war 1943
Death: 150000,
Ajith's ALWAR:
Ayyoo ethanai pairu s ethangalooooooo…...
*******************************
Yeman: Poona Maasam Dengu Vitten.. 400 peru out..!, Indha maasam Chikungunya Vitten,.. 250 peru out..! Next yenna pannalam..!!!
Citraguptan: Vendam raaja, indha maadham neengal satru voiyvu yedukkalam..! Aalwar FILM release ayiduchuuuuuuu..!
*************************************
Fan: Hello Vijay sir..! Naan vunga theevira rasigan, neenga nadicha yella comedy padamum super..! Gilli padathula comedy excellent..!
Vijay: Gilli padathula vungaluku pidicha comedy scene yennadhu?
Fan: Arjunaru Villu" Songle Gypsy Jeep'a thookura comedy..! Familyoda paarthu sirichiom..
Surya Padam na TV la paaru..
Vijay padam na CD la paaru..
Ajith padam na, Poster la mattum paaru..(dont take risk..!)
******************************************
THE BEST ONE - MARK ANTONY: Baaaashaa...!! Naan vunna "Vallavan" Padam kaatti 3 hours la mudikuren..!
BASHA: Konjam Ange paaru kanna..!! Naan vunna Dharmapuri Trailor kaatti 3'e Second la mudikuren..!
*****************************************
Vijayakanth: Naan Jaya TV mela Case podanum..!
Police: Yedhuku Captian?
VK: Naan Katchi arambichathai "Vilaiyaattu Seithiyila pottu irukiraanga "
** *******************************************
Thondan: Thalaivaa..! Naama moosam poittomm..!
Vijayakanth: en? yenna aachu?
Thondan: Unga latest padam "Dharmapuri" ya indha vaaram "POGO TV" la pooduraangalam..!
*****************
First world war 1914
Death: 10000
Second World war 1943
Death: 150000,
Ajith's ALWAR:
Ayyoo ethanai pairu s ethangalooooooo…...
*******************************
Yeman: Poona Maasam Dengu Vitten.. 400 peru out..!, Indha maasam Chikungunya Vitten,.. 250 peru out..! Next yenna pannalam..!!!
Citraguptan: Vendam raaja, indha maadham neengal satru voiyvu yedukkalam..! Aalwar FILM release ayiduchuuuuuuu..!
*************************************
Fan: Hello Vijay sir..! Naan vunga theevira rasigan, neenga nadicha yella comedy padamum super..! Gilli padathula comedy excellent..!
Vijay: Gilli padathula vungaluku pidicha comedy scene yennadhu?
Fan: Arjunaru Villu" Songle Gypsy Jeep'a thookura comedy..! Familyoda paarthu sirichiom..
Jokes - 9
STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there
Why did your sister separate the thread from the needle ?
Because the needle had something in it's eye.
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there
Why did your sister separate the thread from the needle ?
Because the needle had something in it's eye.
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.
Irony of Life !! ..........
Man:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect You to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect You to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.
A-Z
A-Z OF FRIENDSHIP
-----------------
A - Accepts U as U are.
B - Believes in “you”.
C - Calls you just to say “Hi”.
D - Doesn’t give up on you.
E - Envisions the whole of you.
F - Forgives your mistakes.
G - Gives unconditionally.
H - Helps you.
I - Invites you over.
J - Just remains there with you.
K - Keeps you close to heart.
L - loves you as you are.
M - Make a different to your life.
N - Never judges.
O - Offers support.
P - Picks you up.
Q - Quites your fears.
R - Raises your spirits.
S - Says nice thing about you.
T - Tells you the truth when u need to hear.
U - Understands you.
V - Value you.
W - Walk besides you.
X - Xplains things, you don’t understands.
Y - Yells when you don’t listen &
Z - Zaps U back to reality.
Life is an ADVENTURE, Dare it.
Life is a BEAUTY, Worship it.
Life is a CHALLENGE, Meet it.
Life is a DREAM, Realize it.
Life is ENDURANCE, Cope with it.
Life is FRAGRANCE, Smell it.
Life is a GAME, Play it.
Life is HEAVEN, Make it.
Life is an INITIATIVE, Take it.
Life is a JOURNEY, Complete it.
Life is KEROSINE, Burn it.
Life is LOVE, Enjoy it.
Life is a MYSTERY, Unfold it.
Life is a NAME, Find it.
Life is an OPPORTUNITY, Catch it.
Life is a PROMISE, Fulfil it.
Life is a QUESTION, Answer it.
Life is a REALITY, Face it.
Life is a SONG, Sing it.
Life is TIME, Utilize it.
Life is an URGE, Satisfy it.
Life is a VOICE, Listen to it.
Life is WEALTH, Acquire it.
Life is X ? Solve it.
Life is a YEARNING, Go after it.
Life is ZENITH, Attain it .
-----------------
A - Accepts U as U are.
B - Believes in “you”.
C - Calls you just to say “Hi”.
D - Doesn’t give up on you.
E - Envisions the whole of you.
F - Forgives your mistakes.
G - Gives unconditionally.
H - Helps you.
I - Invites you over.
J - Just remains there with you.
K - Keeps you close to heart.
L - loves you as you are.
M - Make a different to your life.
N - Never judges.
O - Offers support.
P - Picks you up.
Q - Quites your fears.
R - Raises your spirits.
S - Says nice thing about you.
T - Tells you the truth when u need to hear.
U - Understands you.
V - Value you.
W - Walk besides you.
X - Xplains things, you don’t understands.
Y - Yells when you don’t listen &
Z - Zaps U back to reality.
Life is an ADVENTURE, Dare it.
Life is a BEAUTY, Worship it.
Life is a CHALLENGE, Meet it.
Life is a DREAM, Realize it.
Life is ENDURANCE, Cope with it.
Life is FRAGRANCE, Smell it.
Life is a GAME, Play it.
Life is HEAVEN, Make it.
Life is an INITIATIVE, Take it.
Life is a JOURNEY, Complete it.
Life is KEROSINE, Burn it.
Life is LOVE, Enjoy it.
Life is a MYSTERY, Unfold it.
Life is a NAME, Find it.
Life is an OPPORTUNITY, Catch it.
Life is a PROMISE, Fulfil it.
Life is a QUESTION, Answer it.
Life is a REALITY, Face it.
Life is a SONG, Sing it.
Life is TIME, Utilize it.
Life is an URGE, Satisfy it.
Life is a VOICE, Listen to it.
Life is WEALTH, Acquire it.
Life is X ? Solve it.
Life is a YEARNING, Go after it.
Life is ZENITH, Attain it .
Aim at the Stars
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...
Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
that man said
angrily
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he
said,
"Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"
The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so
you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense,
then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are
being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish
behavior"
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man
sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to
think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"
The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said
the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on
you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight
up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up
notes.The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to
get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his
father.
"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father
grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy
replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with
you"
MORAL
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having
spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to
our hearts.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could
easily replace us in a matter of days. But the fami! ly & friends we
leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And
come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family. An unwise investment indeed!
5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...
Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
that man said
angrily
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he
said,
"Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"
The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so
you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense,
then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are
being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish
behavior"
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man
sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to
think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"
The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said
the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on
you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight
up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up
notes.The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to
get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his
father.
"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father
grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy
replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with
you"
MORAL
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having
spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to
our hearts.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could
easily replace us in a matter of days. But the fami! ly & friends we
leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And
come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family. An unwise investment indeed!
One Liner Humor
[1]
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if
you take them while driving.
[2]
Having one child makes you a parent; having
two you are a referee.
[3]
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!
[4]
I believe we should all pay
our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted
cash
[5]
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.
[6]
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent
[7]
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it
later.
[8]
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it
[9]
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10]
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
[11]
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to
her or she'll take it anyway.
[12]
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13]
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14]
Ladies first.
Pretty ladies sooner.
[15]
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16]
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering
things more than doing them.
[17]
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18]
Real friends are the ones who survive
transitions between address books.
[19]
Saving is the best thing. Especially
when your parents have done it for you.
[20]
Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because they have to say something
[21]
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if
you take them while driving.
[2]
Having one child makes you a parent; having
two you are a referee.
[3]
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!
[4]
I believe we should all pay
our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted
cash
[5]
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.
[6]
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent
[7]
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it
later.
[8]
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it
[9]
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10]
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
[11]
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to
her or she'll take it anyway.
[12]
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13]
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14]
Ladies first.
Pretty ladies sooner.
[15]
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16]
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering
things more than doing them.
[17]
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18]
Real friends are the ones who survive
transitions between address books.
[19]
Saving is the best thing. Especially
when your parents have done it for you.
[20]
Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because they have to say something
[21]
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
Jokes - 8
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring
the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring
the firemen under control.
-------------------------------------------
Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be
the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in
the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!
-------------------------------------------------------
Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was
afternoon meal & left leg evening meal what would
you prefer?
Boyfriend: Eating between meals !!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were
rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors
wish they were married & Married men wish they were
Dead!
---------------------------------------------------------
How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract
her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square
root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't
multiply!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am !
you may select one from our range that is displayed
on that wall"
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of
the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him -
he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the
pepsi machine and a can comes
out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine
!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be
yours forever."
The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after
sex?" He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for
problems where others look for pleasure!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the
first man you are sleeping with?'
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the
others!'
the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring
the firemen under control.
-------------------------------------------
Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be
the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in
the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!
-------------------------------------------------------
Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was
afternoon meal & left leg evening meal what would
you prefer?
Boyfriend: Eating between meals !!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were
rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors
wish they were married & Married men wish they were
Dead!
---------------------------------------------------------
How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract
her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square
root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't
multiply!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am !
you may select one from our range that is displayed
on that wall"
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of
the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him -
he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the
pepsi machine and a can comes
out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine
!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be
yours forever."
The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after
sex?" He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for
problems where others look for pleasure!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the
first man you are sleeping with?'
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the
others!'
Simple Friends VS. Real Friends
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is
over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship
until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend hates it when you call
after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is
over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship
until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend hates it when you call
after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
Facts of Life
1. At least 5 people in this world
love you so much they would
die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness
to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't know
even exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look:
You most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want,
you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself,
you probably sooner or later will get it.
13. Always remember compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them;
you will fell much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend,
take the time to let them
know that they're great.
Just when I got all the answers of LIFE
they changed the question...
"It's better to be defeated on Principles than to win on lies."
love you so much they would
die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness
to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't know
even exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look:
You most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want,
you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself,
you probably sooner or later will get it.
13. Always remember compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them;
you will fell much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend,
take the time to let them
know that they're great.
Just when I got all the answers of LIFE
they changed the question...
"It's better to be defeated on Principles than to win on lies."
The Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
It 's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at
him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
"Anyone knows to whom this phone belongs to"
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
It 's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at
him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
"Anyone knows to whom this phone belongs to"
Origination of Names of Great Companies
Mercedes: This was actually financier's daughter's name.
Adobe: This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers: It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was three months late for filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 0'clock.
CISCO: It is not an acronym as popuraily believed.Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq: This name was formed by using COMp, for computer and PAQ to denote a small integral object.
Corel: The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google: The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor; they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.
Hotmail: Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard : Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel: Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) : Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of ranscendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft: Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE: Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony: It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN: Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache: It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server -- thus, the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache): A project constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat: The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C: Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++: Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then 'new C'. Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU: A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java: Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG: Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux: Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free + freak + x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax.(Linus' parents named himafter two-time Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .
Mozilla: When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).The marketing guys didn't like the name however and it was re-christened Netscape Navigator.
Red Hat: Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to work in the 'Systems/Applications/Projects' group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX): From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX: When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System), which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under
Adobe: This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers: It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was three months late for filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 0'clock.
CISCO: It is not an acronym as popuraily believed.Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq: This name was formed by using COMp, for computer and PAQ to denote a small integral object.
Corel: The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google: The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor; they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.
Hotmail: Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard : Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel: Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) : Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of ranscendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft: Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE: Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony: It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN: Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache: It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server -- thus, the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache): A project constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat: The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C: Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++: Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then 'new C'. Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU: A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java: Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG: Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux: Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free + freak + x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax.(Linus' parents named himafter two-time Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .
Mozilla: When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).The marketing guys didn't like the name however and it was re-christened Netscape Navigator.
Red Hat: Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to work in the 'Systems/Applications/Projects' group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX): From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX: When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System), which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under
Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort
in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile,
they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake
-- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way."
I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort
in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile,
they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake
-- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way."
I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
A LOVE LETTER FROM A FAMOUS MATHEMATICIAN TO HIS BELOVED
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and
spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of
magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a
tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots, which only
you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my
love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I
should not resolve
you into partial functions but if I do so, you can
integrate me by applying
the limits from zero to infinity.You are as essential
to me as an
element of a set. The geometry of my life revolves
around your acute
personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant
on date 10 at
sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160
degrees, my heart would
be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love
from your higher order
derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown
function.
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and
spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of
magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a
tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots, which only
you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my
love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I
should not resolve
you into partial functions but if I do so, you can
integrate me by applying
the limits from zero to infinity.You are as essential
to me as an
element of a set. The geometry of my life revolves
around your acute
personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant
on date 10 at
sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160
degrees, my heart would
be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love
from your higher order
derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown
function.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
A DATE WITH A WOMEN
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take
another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this
other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my
MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and
my three children had made it possible to visit her only
occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and
a movie.
'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked? My
mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise
invitation is a sign of bad news.
'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,' I responded. 'Just
the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I
would like that very much.'
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I
was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too,
seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her
coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn
to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.
'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my
son, and they were impressed, 'she said, as she got into the car.
'They can't wait to hear
about our meeting'. We went to a restaurant that,
although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she
were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print.
Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there
staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small,' she said.
'Then it's time that you relax and let me return
the favor,' I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -
nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each
other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll
go out with you again,but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.
'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice.
Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack.
It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for
her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant
receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.
An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates -
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that
night meant for me.
I love you, son.'
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in
time: 'I LOVE YOU!' and to give our loved ones the time that they
deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family.
Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
'some other time.'
another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this
other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my
MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and
my three children had made it possible to visit her only
occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and
a movie.
'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked? My
mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise
invitation is a sign of bad news.
'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,' I responded. 'Just
the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I
would like that very much.'
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I
was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too,
seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her
coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn
to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.
'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my
son, and they were impressed, 'she said, as she got into the car.
'They can't wait to hear
about our meeting'. We went to a restaurant that,
although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she
were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print.
Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there
staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small,' she said.
'Then it's time that you relax and let me return
the favor,' I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -
nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each
other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll
go out with you again,but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.
'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice.
Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack.
It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for
her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant
receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.
An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates -
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that
night meant for me.
I love you, son.'
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in
time: 'I LOVE YOU!' and to give our loved ones the time that they
deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family.
Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
'some other time.'
AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and...
PART 1
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir..
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
Student does not answer.
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.
Prof:
Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
PART 2
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it is called darkness, isn't it?
In reality, darkness is not. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you will have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT STUDENT WAS
Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, the present president of India .
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
PART 1
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir..
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
Student does not answer.
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.
Prof:
Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
PART 2
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it is called darkness, isn't it?
In reality, darkness is not. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you will have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT STUDENT WAS
Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, the present president of India .
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
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