Njoyed this

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Always Follow Your Dreams

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th level. On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they have to climb the stairs home.

After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They left their bags then and climbed on. When they have struggled to the 40th level, the younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.

They then realized that they have only 20 levels more to climb and decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door. And they realized that the key was in their bags which was left on the 20th floor.

This story is reflecting on our life…many of us live under the expectations of our parents, teachers and friends when young. We seldom get to do the things that we really like and love and are under so much pressure and stress so that by the age of 20, we get tired and decided to dump this load.

Being free of the stress and pressure, we work enthusiastically and dream ambitious wishes. But by the time we reach 40 years old, we start to lose our vision and dreams. We began to feel unsatisfied and start to complain and criticize. We live life as a misery as we are never satisfied. Reaching 60, we realize that we have little left for complaining anymore, and we began to walk the final episode in peace and calmness.

We think that there is nothing left to disappoint us, only to realize that we could not rest in peace because we have an unfulfilled dream …… a dream we abandoned 60 years ago.

So what is your dream? Follow your dreams, so that you will not live with regrets.

Easy and Difficult

Easy is to get a place in someone's address book.

Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others

Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.

Easy is to talk without thinking

Difficult is to refrain the tongue.

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.

Difficult is to heal the wound.

Easy is to forgive others

Difficult is to ask for forgiveness.

Easy is to set rules

Difficult is to follow them.

Easy is to dream every night

Difficult is to fight for a dream.

Easy is to show victory

Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity.

Easy is to admire a full moon

Difficult to see the other side.

Easy is to stumble with a stone

Difficult is to get up.

Easy is to enjoy life every day

Difficult to give its real value.

Easy is to promise something to someone

Difficult is to fulfill that promise.

Easy is to say we love

Difficult is to show it every day.

Easy is to criticize others

Difficult is to improve oneself.

Easy is to make mistakes

Difficult is to learn from them.

Easy is to weep for a lost love

Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving

Difficult is to stop thinking it

And put it into action.

Easy is to think bad of others

Difficult is to give them

The benefit of the doubt.

Easy is to receive

Difficult is to give.

Easy to read this

Difficult to follow.

Easy is keep the friendship with words

Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

Beautiful Words !!!

Lovely piece that I read and felt like sharing with you all (may be repeated)

Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble,

but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

Do you know why a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small?

Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on.

Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn,

but it takes years to write.

All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever.

If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold!

Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

Often when we lose hope and think this is the end,

GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities;

when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them,

and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone

has prayed for you.

WORRYING does not take away tomorrows' TROUBLES, it takes away

todays' PEACE.

Diwali Sweets for my friends

Very Funny

Hello,
plss.. talk to me… y u r not picking up the call ?????”
“everything is alright?”
“wat alright.. noting is alright.. see the time.. its 11pm.. n I m coming now from office..no food for me today also.. now I will cook… From the past 3 days..I m eating only maggie… n my PM eating only me..see the price hikes, everything is 2/- more frm yesterday.. except my salary…I think the begger in front of my office.. earns more than me.. wat shud I do…”
“wat happened.. wat r u talking”
“wat i m talking???? no, I m not talking.. Manager dont allow anyone to talk except the client.. who always talks something.. from past 3 months i didnt take any leave..now from 3 weeks.. i m just begging for one damn leave.. n wat response i got….’why u want to waste an important day of ur life??’
i now finalize one more time… yes..i m gonna quit.. this project… but, i cant. no, i can.. but i wont..uh…”
“ok.. now Relax…”
“How can i relax… for relaxation ppl do yoga, but its night so i cant, then else they watch movies… but see, in every channel all bogus movies r repeating, same.. ‘Welcome’, ‘Suryavansham’,Govinda’s movies… it really irritates… everyone is faking in TV, fake news, fake stories, fake swaynwars, fake reality…ah see the movies u will get to know… In “Rock-on” last scene… Arjun Rampal’s wife says to taxi driver, that “hurry up, we r going late for Airport…” Airport…??? I dont understand, how can thought he find a job in Cruze.. not Airlines..
In 3 Idiots… starting scene… Madhvan does the drama to leave his flight, then what happened to his luggage?? In same movie… Kareena is a doctor.. that too a surgeon.. to bcame a surgeon.. It requires atlest 5[MBBS]+3[MS] years.. so she shud be 28… n Aamir as a student.. only 18 or 20 ?? then after 10 years they decide to marry.. means she is 38 ?? I dont understand, how can spiderman reach to the church-bell in part-3, when he lost all his power ?? I dont understand, how Balakrishna can send a train back just by Hitting his thighs, when I cant ?? I still dont understand how could Rajnikanth fly without wings ?? i just dont…..”
“hey stop it now..”
“am I a train who will stop it, by pulling chain… ohh train.. I dont understand, how can I didnt see one in last 3 months… how will i see ? All the time monitor is in front of me.. in night also wen I open my eyes, I find my username and password window.. I need to cool down..
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
but someone tell me howw.. everytime there is a powercut here.. except wen i m not in home.. home, wat rubbish,its a damn single room.. where i m living alone with my pillow..
I also want girlfriend yaar, like my rivals have.. smita, rashmi, priti, sruti, madhu.. anyone frm my odc is ok, but they all r engaged, u know y ? Bcoz their boyfriends do not work in IT companies, outside girls do have chat wid me but only on my salary day.. I got rejected 31 times.. u know y ?? each time I propose them, they ask where do u live.. I say in my Cubicle.. Bcoz thats the only place u can find my soul all the time..”
“hey man, u better take rest, we will talk in Morning”
“ Morning.. are u talking the same morning.. Sun rises, bird flies, omlette fries, employee cries… damn, i didnt see the Sun,from 3 years.. how it looks like… every morning I catching shuttle, reaching my birthplace ‘cubicle’ working n working n leaving when Sun uncle is not there… i will hit my room-owner some days, every morning he used to cry for increasing room rent, I will always tell him to go n meet my Manager… I dont understnd how can i be so nice to my colleagues.. Each time they want leave, they repeat the same old dialogue… “my sister’s marriage”.. my colleague's 9 sisters got married, 3 times grandpa expired, 5 times frnd went to ICU.. but my colleague is fine.. and his favorite dialog “i need to drop a frnd to hospital, as he is not feeling well” later i find movie tickets in his purse… then my pm’s motivational speech.. ‘u will work.. u will grow’.. means if i wont work.. i will shrink or what…
when I need hike, I m junior.. still need to grow.. when I do mistakes.. comon man u r senior now, u can not do mistakes.. ahhh God gimme some power to understand the greatness of a super natural person known as PM in this world..”
“ok enough now, i m disconnecting”
“wait.. i called you.. n u r disconnecting.. u know previously i was normal, when i was in college, i used to talk continuosly watever i want, now i m talking only this much… ‘yaa its done’, ‘that work is completed’, ‘Please..’, ‘Good Morning’,‘Lunch’,'Tea’,’Snacks’..
I dont know wat i m talking abt, i shud b happy.. i have saturday n sunday.. Saturday to recover from the disaster been made from monday to friday.. Sunday to think about upcoming disaster from monday to friday.. cool naa..
you heard that in 2012 earth will end.. then also my ODC and my cubicle will remain as it is.. u know why ?? because that's not a part of earth.. n we employees are not human beings… we are aliens, so better before u start getting headache… go have a nice dream.. me, I will again start my day tomorrow like I m starting everyday.. good night…”
beeeeeeeeep…beeeeeeeeeep…beeeeeeeeeep **********************************************************
Next Day, in office:-
“Saurabh, Please come here”
“Yes Surya!!”
“I approved your leaves.. i think you should go and have some fun”
I happily came out, and checked my phone Dialled calls..
“Ohhh my God, yesterday I called my PM only… shit” LL

மனோவின் காமெடி பார்ட் 1

நேற்றைய டயலாக்:
மனோ நேற்று வீட்டுக்கு வரும்போது வழியில் ஒரு போலீஸ் சும்மா நின்றுகொண்டு இருந்ததை பார்த்தவுடன் ஒடனே ஒன்று அவளின் நியாபகத்திற்கு வந்தது.

" வீட்ல பாம்ப் போடுறவங்கள பிடிகிரதுக்கு இவங்களுக்கு வழி இல்ல , இவங்கல்லாம் எங்க போய் இந்தியால பாம்ப் போடுறவங்கள பிடிக்க போறாங்க??? "

அப்படி பார்த்தா போலீஸ் ஸ்டேஷன்ல எத்தன போலீஸ் பாம்ப் போடுறாங்க அவங்கல்லாம் பிடிச்சு ஜெயில்ல போடவேணும்!!!

இந்த பன்ச் டயலாக்க நேத்திக்கி வீட்ல சொல்லி ஒரே காமெடிதான் ....

நேற்று நடந்த காமெடி

நாங்கள் குடும்பத்தோடு டிவியில் படம் பார்துக்கொண்டு இருந்தோம், விஜய் படம் பூவே உனக்காக அருமையான படம். படம் பார்த்து கொண்டு இருக்கும்போது மனோ அருமையான காமெடி பண்ணினாள்.

இந்த படத்துல விஜய் ரெம்ப அழகா இருக்கான், நானும் லவ் பண்ணும் பொது நீங்க விஜய் மாதிரி இர்ருந்திங்க ஆனா இப்போ வடிவேல் மாதிரி ஆய்டீங்க

இது எப்படி இர்ருக்கு!!!

என்னும் ஒரு பெரிய காமெடி:

கல்யாணம் முடிஞ்சவொடனே மனோவுக்கு ரெம்ப சந்தோசம் , ஏன்னா, விஜய்க்கு பதிலா வளன்ன கல்யாணம் பண்ணிருகோம் ஆனா இனிசியல் மாரல !!! விஜய்கும் V தான் வடிவேலுக்கும் V தான் வளன்னுக்கும் V தான்...

Must Know

1. If you see children Begging anywhere in TAMIL NADU please contact "RED SOCIETY" 9940217816. They will help that children for their studies.

2. There is a Website: www.friendstosupport.org Where you can search for any BLOOD GROUP, you will get thousand's of donor address.

3. Engineering Students can register in www.campuscouncil.com to attend Off Campus for 40 Companies.

4. Free Education and Free hostel for Handicapped children..! Contact:- 9842062501 & 9894067506

5. If anyone met with fire accident or people born with problems in their ear, nose and mouth can get free PLASTIC SURGERY done by Kodaikanal PASAM Hospital. Contact : 045420-240668,245732 "Helping Hands are Better than Praying Lips"

6. If you find any important documents like Driving license, Ration card, Passport, Bank Pass Book, etc., Missed by someone, simply put them into near by any Post Boxes. They will automatically reach the owner and Fine will be collected from them.

7. By the next 10 months, our earth will become 4 degrees hotter than what it is now. Our Himalayan glaciers are melting at rapid rate. So all of you lend your hands to fight GLOBAL WARMING. -Plant more Trees. -Don't waste Water & Electricity. -Don't use or burn Plastics

8. It costs 38 Trillion dollars to create OXYGEN for 6 months for all Human beings on earth. "TREES DO IT FOR FREE" "Respect them and Save them"

9.Special phone number for Eye bank and Eye donation 04428281919 and 04428271616 (Sankara Nethralaya Eye Bank) For More information about how to donate eyes plz visit these sites. . . http://www.kannoli.com/eyebank.html http://ruraleye.org/

10. Heart Surgery free of cost for children (0-10 yr) Sri Valli Baba Institute Banglore. Contact : 9916737471 11. Please CHECK WASTAGE OF food If you have a function/party at your home in India and food gets wasted, don't hesitate to call 1098 (only in India ) - Its not a Joke - Child helpline. They will come and collect the food .

Five Tips To Be A Successful Boss

While being liked can be more about gender bias in the eyes of the beholders than actual performance, experts do have some advice to help the ambitious thrive.

Provide Clear Feedback

As a leader, it's critical that you provide your employees with clear and precise feedback. There's nothing more frustrating for an employee who wants to move up in the ranks or improve their performance if their boss can't articulate what they need to do to make that happen.

Give Credit Where Credit is Due

Stealing credit, particularly from an underling, is petty and unnecessary. And chances are, if someone you supervise performs well, her success will reflect on you too. After all, you're the one who hired her.

Reward Good Work

While everyone likes to get a raise, it's not the only measure for acknowledging good work. A few words of praise--particularly when money is tight--can go a long way in increasing employee satisfaction. And an employee that feels appreciated tends to be a loyal and productive one.

Encourage Team Work

Pitting employees against each other is counterproductive and just plain bad management. Instead, foster an environment of cooperation and encourage workers to turn to each other for advice and support. Two heads almost always yield better ideas than just one.

Be A Good Role Model

How you conduct yourself in various settings--meetings, networking events, business dinner--sends a clear message to your employees about what is acceptable behavior. If you're always checking your BlackBerry or e-mail when you're talking to subordinates, you're sending a strong message that their time isn't valuable to you. If you're swamped, it's better to tell them that you don't have time at the moment but would love to talk when you can give them your undivided attention.

Notice from God to All Girls

Notice from GOD to all Girls:

This is for the kind attention to all Girls:-

"Lying under a boy on the bed and shouting OH GOD! OH GOD!!! Will not be Considered as Prayer"

The Eight T's of Self-Empowerment

When it comes to motivating yourself, here are eight words (each start with "T") that you can use for self-empowerment.

Anytime you want to empower and motivate yourself for more achievement, simply ask these eight questions to determine what aspect of empowerment would have the most value for you:

• T -- Target. Are you clear on the target, the goal that you're trying to achieve? If not, make sure you've focused your attention on the specific outcome you desire.
• T -- Tools. Do you have the tools or information needed to do your job well? Do you have what you need to be ready to perform at a high level?
• T -- Training. Have you received enough training or orientation to be able to use these tools and information very well?
• T -- Time. Have you had enough time for the training to take effect, for it to sink in, for you to try and succeed, try and fail, try and adjust and succeed again? Without the proper amount of time, success is not likely.
• T -- Truth. Do you know the truth about how all of this really fits together? What happens when you're finished with your part? What happens before you get involved in the project? What is the truth about how everything fits together and works?
• T -- Tracking. Are you getting the feedback that you need in order to stay on the beam, to be on-project, on-goal? Are you measuring and getting the feedback that tells you when you're on track and when you're off?
• T -- Touch. The human touch. Are you getting the support and encouragement you need? Are there other people you're in touch with who can help you achieve your goal?
• T -- Trust. Do you trust yourself appropriately for your skill and mastery level? Do the others around you trust you enough to give you the kind of resources you need?

LOGICAL QUESTION

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.

Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber.

There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him! .

But to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.

Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.

The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!


The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??


Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.



Still you couldn't, Then see below...



Think hard





Tired????





wanna know the answer????


Answer :

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !

Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity? ?

Ten Essential Leadership Attributes

What kind of leadership talents and skills will be essential to succeed in the next few years? Some are tried and true and endure generation after generation. Others come and go with the age and culture in which we live. Here is my top ten list:

1) Honesty and integrity: In a survey by Jim Kouczes and Barry Posner of hundreds of folks at all levels prior to 9-11, 88% said honesty was the #1attribute that they looked for in a leader. After all the failures in corporate governance in recent times plus the increased responsibilities in security, honesty is even more important.

2) Passion: You can't inspire others to follow you if you don't have the love, drive and enthusiasm that becomes infectious for what you do. Evangelism is more than just providing information, it is authentic persuasion.

3) Vision: A clear, succinct and simple vision that is driven into the fabric of the organization will be critical.

4) Excellent listener: Great leaders and teams listen and grow with each other.

5) No AEE: No arrogance, ego or exclusion. Humility and openness are so important to gain trust. I have seen many careers ruined as people rise in organizations and think they are "above and beyond" everyone else.

6) Embrace change: It can't be my way or the highway. We all need to be encouraged to take risks, move the bar higher, make mistakes and push the envelope to new horizons.

7) International mentality: The ability to direct, lead and manage diverse cultures and to think cross functionally and internationally is key. How will this product or service work in Australia as well as in California? We will have to think without boundaries and without language barriers. In an internet world, location is not important.

8) Grasp for the value of technology: You need to understand technology, as well as the internet and be a user to stay current. That does not mean you have to be a technologist. I will never qualify in that league. But I work hard to stay current and absorb all I can. Some things you have to do hands on to be a leader.

9) Education and experience: Expertise in global finance will be a powerful tool in leading your department or business. Multi company and multi functional experiences will aid in leadership growth. The traditional functions of operations, process improvement, sales and marketing remain as a necessary foundation. Keeping reading, learning, experimenting and mentoring and being mentored.

10) People leader: You will increase your opportunities for advancement by being a flexible thinker and a "people leader" who can lead teams and motivate and exhibit your love and passion for the business and your stakeholders.

These are exciting and fun times for those willing to prepare and make the sacrifices it takes to be an outstanding leader.

New Pappu Jokes

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !

TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!

TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Husband and Wife Jokes

In the middle of a dispute the husband said: 'Let's not quarrel, my dear, let's discuses the thing sensibly.' 'No,' said the angry wife, 'every time we discuss something sensibly, I lose!' ** My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.







** I see your face, when I am dreaming.
That's why I always, wake up screaming.

** Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything that you're not.

** Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

** I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

** Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

** I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

** I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

** My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

** My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

** What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

** She: Don't you think a little common sense would prevent many divorces?
He: Why, I'm sure that it would keep people from getting married in the first place!

** Have you heard of the man who never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman?

** An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage. A pesimist is a married optimist.
** A husband is one who lays down the law for his wife and then accepts all her amendments.

** In married life, office plays a very imporant role. It's the place where you relax from your strenuos home life!

** Two ladies were discussing what they should wear to the club dance.
"We're supposed to wear something to match our husband's hair. So I'm going to wear black," said Mrs. Johnson.
"Goodness", gasped her companion. "I don't think I'll go. My husband is bald."

** Confirmed Bachelors know more about women than married men; that's why they are bachelors.

** "I love your daughter very dearly, sir," said the young man. "I would suffer deeply if I ever caused her a moment's unhapppiness."
"You certainly would," replied the father. "That girl is her mother all over - and I should know!"

** After a few months of marriage Aparna's husband reported her Missing. Police found her, but she refused to come back.
"We met while playing mixed doubles tennis," she said.
"When we married we planned to have 2 boys and 2 girls, to form our own mixed doubles. Now my husband is bored with tennis and mad about football. There are 11 boys in a soccer team and I'm worried."

** Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

** Two friends, who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street.
"Who are you working for now?" asked the first.
"Same people," answered the other. "My wife and four children."

** A young accountant stayed late at the office day after day. Finally, the boss called him in and asked for an explanation.

"Well, you see sir," he stammered, "my wife works, too -- and if I get home before she does, I have to cook the dinner."

** A friend asked a lady: "I suppose you carry a momento of some sort in that locket of yours?"
"Yes, a strand of my husband's hair."
"But your husband's still alive!"
"Yes, but his hair's gone."

** First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"
Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"
First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

** They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

** It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

** It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ...... the KAAMWALI

** A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

** What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

** Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

** Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

** Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

** If your wife wants to learn to drive,
don't stand in her way.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Hippie And The Nun

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

Sunday School Lesson

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Annual Marathon

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?

'Oh , yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! '

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'No..........just when it's raining.

SMS Jokes 19+

SMS Jokes:

Santa goes to library and asks for the book- Psycho, the Rapist.
Librarian searches, comes back and slaps him and says-Idiot!! The book is PSYCHOTHERAPIST
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A man went to heaven. God was shocked to see his heart still beats!!!
Man Explained " I may be no more but my friends still live in my heart"
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It might be funny but at the same time its very true...
And universal truth is .... "Good boys get heaven and bad boys get women.."

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Santa pathan se : Khan sahab ap larki k bajaye larke se sex kyun karte hain, Pathan: O santa ji mard ka muqabla mard se hona chaiye.

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What's the geographical definition of sex?

Its an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!!

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Girl 400 Meters race me boys se jeet gayi.

Teacher: ye kaise kiya?
Girl: Main PICHE SE SKIRT (bina panty) UCHI KARKE bhagi. KOI MUJHSE AAGE HI NAHI NIKLA...

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Life me kitni bhi badi problem aaye, Bus ek baar apne GAAND pe haath rakhna or kahena ALL IS WELL. Kyunki problem me sabse pehli aadmi ki GAAND hi fathti hai!!!

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We think there is enough time to live, but we never know that which moment is our last. So love, share, care & celebrate every moment of your existence.

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Pujari ko loose motion ho gaya, medicine lete samay doctor se pucha "any precautions" doctor ne kaha "shankh zor se mat bajana

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Income tax officer hans raha tha.
Clerk: Kya Hua?
Officer: Mallika Sherawat ka return hai.
Clerk: To?
Officer: Kapde pahanti Nahi aur laundri bill 10 lakh bataya hai!!!.

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One day god tested me. He erased all my memory & asked - "Do you remember any one now?"

I told your name. God smiled & said "Some viruses can not be deleted..."

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Santa on a interview.
Lady - Name?
Santa - I'm Santa Singh
Lady - Sex?
Santa - Kar lete hai.
Lady - i mean male or female
Santa - Jo mil jaye pel dete hai.

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Good friends should be like 2 zeros, when you try to add they are same,
when you subtract, they are same again, but when you try to divide they are indivisible...

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Why do women put only cash in their blouse and not cheques?
Because cheques might BOUNCE...

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A boss has to interview for secretary post.
He asked a question each one of them: A women has two mouth, what are the difference between the two?

The first one answered.. One can talk but the other cant..

The second one answered ..One is vertical and the other one is horizontal..

The third one answered .. One is hairy and the other is not..

The last one answered .. One is for my use and the other for my boss..

Boss: you are appointed.

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Sex ke baad caal girl Aadmi se boli: Tumhari Bansuri bahut choti hai"
Aadmi bola: Mujhe thodi pata tha ke SHANMUKHANANDA HALL me Bajana hai.

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What is VEG & NONVEG?

BLUE film dekte waqt agar kisi aurat ki ankh me pani aaye to wo VEG & niche pani aaye to wo NON-VEG.

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Girl: This is my japanese top Rs. 2000 & dis is my American jeansRs.4000
Boy: Pehle Jeans ki zip bandh kar, 15 rs wali desi Chadi dikh rahi hai.
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If you fuck a woman nicely, she will love you for the rest of her life.
But if you love a woman nicely, she will fuck you for the rest of your life.

Moral: Stop loving start fucking ;)
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What is invisible sex?
A male negro fucking a female negro under moonless night in a cole mine wearing a black condom..

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Beta: Papa muje 1 bhai aur chahiye Aaj Aur Abhi...

Papa: Beta is Kaam me 9 mahine lagte hai.
Beta: Papa Aap to contractor ho 5,7 aadmi laga do jaldi ho jayega.!

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Sex k bina pareshan 1 raat biwi "JANA-GANA-MANA" gane lagi.
PATI-ye Q ga rahi ho?
Biwi: Last try h, ispe to pura hindustan khada ho jata hai.

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Man: Condom dena
dukandar waha:1 table he, jisme chedhe, usme apna lund dal k apna size batao tabhi condom milega
thodi der baad man- Condom rehne do Table de do.

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Chameli bhabhi ne chat ki dukan kholi. Dukan kholte hi customer ki line lag gayi, Kyo..?
Board par likha tha, "SIRF 10 Rs ME CHAMELI Bhabhi KI CHAAT LO"

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Lady: So much of knee pain
Doctor: Reason?
Lady: Doggy style of sexx!!!!

Doctor: Don't you know other styles?
Lady: I Know but.... Dog doesn't know..

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March is Breast Cancer Awareness month, pass this to all those who "mis"understood us when we were watching their Breast! WE STARE BECAUSE WE CARE!!!

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Nobody teaches volcanoes 2 erupt, tsunamis 2 arise, hurricanes to sway around, and no 1 teaches how to choose a Wife....

Natural disasters just happen!!!

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When an apple is red, it is ready to pluck and when a girl is 18 she is ready to ....

Vote. Tum hamesha galat hi sochege.

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Why did the grammer teacher slap Santa's son?
Because he asked: Why BRA is Singular, when it covers 2 items and PANTIES plural when it covers one item?

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FIFA decided that girls should be the goalkeeper for the next world cup, because no mater how wide they open, they never let the balls go in!!!!
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Man-Dr. I have a red ring around my penis.
Dr. Take this ointment
Next day
Man- fantastic Doc!! Its gone!! What did you give me?
Dr. Lipstick remover...

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Indian Mother......

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help
but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious
of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.




Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started

to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.



Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week
later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to
dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she
took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her,
just to be sure."


So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:


I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.



Love, Kumar


Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now
under the pillow....



Love,

Mom.



Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian !

The Socrates Triple Filter Test

The Socrates Triple Filter Test

In ancient Greece , Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
”Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

”Triple filter?"

”That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.”

”The first filter is TRUTH. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
”No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

’All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of GOODNESS. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

”No, on the contrary..."

”So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of USEFULNESS. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

”No, not really."

”Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

Friends, use this triple filter each time you hear loose talk about any of your near & dear friends.

கணவர்கள் மனைவிகளை கேட்க விரும்பும் கேள்விகள் : டாப் 10

1. வார‌த்துக்கு ரெண்டு த‌ட‌வையாவ‌து பால் பொங்கி வ‌ழிவ‌து, மூணு தடவையாவ‌து ப‌ருப்பு அடிபிடிப்ப‌து என‌ உங்க‌ள் வேலையையும் உருப்ப‌டியா செஞ்ச‌தில்லை.. எப்போவாவ‌து இந்த‌ ஷ‌ர்ட்டை ம‌ட்டும் அய‌ர்ன் ப‌ண்ணிக்கொடேன்னு ஒரு சின்ன‌ வேலைத‌ந்தா அதையும் ஓட்டை போடுவ‌து என‌ உருப்ப‌டியா ஒரு வேலையுமே செஞ்ச‌தா ச‌ரித்திரம் இல்லையே.. அது ஏன்?

2. நாங்கள் மறக்கிறோமோ, நீங்கள் மறக்கிறீர்களோ நான்கு முறை க‌டைக்குப் போய் வ‌ந்த‌ பின்னும் ஐந்தாவ‌து முறையும் க‌டைக்கு இர‌க்க‌மில்லாம‌ல் அனுப்ப‌ முடிகிற‌தே.. அது எப்ப‌டி?

3. ஷாம்பூ இன்னும் நாலு நாளைக்குதான் வ‌ரும், .:பேஸ் வாஷ் காலியாகப்போகுதுன்னு எல்லாம் நல்லா பிளான் போட்டு நடக்குதே.. ஒரு மாதமாவது பேப்பர்காரரையும், கேபிள்காரரையும் இரண்டாவது தடவை அலையவைக்காமல் பணம் தந்ததுண்டா?

4. டிவி பார்த்துக்கொண்டிருக்கும் போதோ, ச‌மைத்துக்கொண்டிருக்கும் போதோ உங்க‌ளுக்கு திடீரென‌ தோன்றும் அரிய‌ சிந்த‌னைக‌ளை ப‌கிர்ந்துகொள்ள‌ நாங்க‌ள் ம‌ட்டும்தான் கிடைத்தோமா? ந‌ண்ப‌ர்க‌ளோ, ரிலேடீவ்ஸோ உங்க‌ளுக்கு கிடைய‌வே கிடையாதா?

5. உற‌வுச்சிக்க‌ல்க‌ள் நிறைந்த‌ சீரிய‌ல்க‌ளை பார்ப்ப‌தோடு ம‌ட்டுமில்லாம‌ல் அத‌ன் க‌தைக‌ளை இனிய‌ இர‌வுக‌ளில் எங்க‌ளோடு ப‌கிர்ந்துகொள்ள‌த்தான் வேண்டுமா? அதையும் க‌வ‌னத்தோடு க‌வ‌னிக்க‌வேண்டும் என்று எதிர்பார்த்தால் எப்ப‌டி?

6. ஒரு இஞ்ச்சுக்கு ப‌வுட‌ர் அப்பிக்கொள்ளும் போதும், ப‌ட்டுப்புட‌வை க‌ட்டிக்கொள்ளும் போதும் உங்க‌ள் முக‌த்தில் இருக்கும் டென்ஷ‌ன், கான்சென்ட்ரேஷ‌ன், எங்க‌ளுக்கு ஒரு பிர‌ச்சினைன்னா ஏன் இருக்க‌ மாட்டேங்குது?

7. ஏதாவது முக்கிய அலுவலகச்சிக்கலை பற்றி சீரியஸா உங்ககிட்ட பேசும்போது அதெப்படீங்க ஒரு ரியாக்‌ஷனும் காட்டாம மூஞ்சிய வெச்சுக்கறீங்க?

8. எங்க‌ வீட்டுக்குப்போய் இர‌ண்டு நாள் ஆவ‌த‌ற்குள் 'போலாம்.. போலாம்'னு அவ‌ச‌ர‌ப்ப‌டுத்துற‌ நீங்க‌ உங்க‌ வீட்டுக்குப்போய் இருப‌து நாள் ஆன‌பிற‌கு 'கிள‌ம்ப‌லாம்'னு சொன்னாலும்கூட‌ 'ஏங்க‌.. அவ‌ச‌ர‌ப்ப‌டுத்துறீங்க‌?'க‌ங்கிறீங்க‌ளே.. அது ஏங்க.?

9. நாங்க ரசிச்சு வாங்கி வருகிற புடவை, அதெப்படி உங்ககிட்ட ஏற்கனவே இருக்கிற கலர்லேயோ, டிஸைனிலேயோ அமைந்துவிடுகிறது? அதே மாதிரி என்னைக்காவது வாங்கிவருகிற மல்லிகைப்பூவில் கூட வாடிப்போச்சு, எண்ணிக்கை கம்மியா இருக்குதுன்னு எப்படிங்க‌ உங்களால் குறை சொல்ல முடியுது?

10. சினிமாவுக்கு கிள‌ம்பும் போது ம‌ட்டும் 'லேட்டாச்சு.. லேட்டாச்சு'ன்னு குதிக்கிறீங்க‌ளே.. திரும்பி வரும்போது ஹோட்டலுக்குப் போகலாமா, பீச்சுக்குப்போகலாமான்னு சிந்தனை வருகிறதே தவிர‌ 'வீட்டுக்குப்போக‌ணும் லேட்டாவுது'ன்னு குதிக்க‌ வேண்டாம், லேசாக‌ தோண‌க்கூட‌ மாட்டேங்குதே உங்க‌ளுக்கு.. ஏங்க?

எல்லோரும் வில்லன்கள் தான்!

பொம்மையை பங்கு போட
புதிதாய் வரும்
தம்பி ”பாப்பா”


மூங்கில் பிரம்போடு
எப்பொழுதும்
உலாவரும் கணக்கு
”வாத்தியார்”

சைட் அடிக்கும் பெண்ணுக்கு
பாடிகாட் மூனீஸ்வர் மீசையோடு
அவ கூடவரும் ”அப்பா”


பீர் அடிச்சு வீட்டுக்கு
வரும் பொழுது
வீட்டுக்கு அருகில் வந்ததும்
வரும் ”வாமிட்”

எண்ணெயில் போட்டு எடுத்த கத்திரிக்காய்
மாதிரி வேர்த்து வழிய போகும் இண்டர்வியுக்கு
பிரிஜில் இருந்து எடுத்த தக்காளி மாதிரி
ப்ரஸா வரும் மாடன் ”பொண்ணு”

புது மனைவிக்கு முத்தம் கொடுக்க
ஆசையோடு நெருக்கும் பொழுது
ஓடி வந்து ரூமில் ஒளியும் ”குட்டீஸ்”

மல்லிகை பூ அல்வாவோடு
வீட்டுக்கு வரும் பொழுது
மூட்டை முடிச்சோடு
வீட்டில் டேரா போட
வந்திருக்கும் ”விருந்தாளிகள்”

மனைவி பிறந்த நாளுக்கு
புடவை எடுத்து கொடுக்க
கடைக்கு போகும் பொழுது
காஸ்ட்லி புடவையை மட்டும்
எடுத்து போடும் ”சேல்ஸ் மேன்”

முதல் மூன்று மாசம்
கடைசி மூன்று மாசம்
பிறகு இரண்டு மாசம்
என்று எல்லாம் முடிஞ்சு ஆசையோடு
மனைவி அருகில் போகும் பொழுது
பாலுக்கு அழும் கை ”குழந்தை”

தியேட்டரில் தனியாய் உட்காந்திருக்கும்
நேரம் “பாஸ் கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சம் பின்னாடி அங்க உட்கார
முடியுமா நாங்க பிரண்ட்ஸா வந்திருக்கோம்?”
என்று நாலஞ்சு பிகரோட வந்து கேட்கும் ”அவன்”

பலான படம் பார்க்க போய்
இருக்கும் பொழுது
பிட்டு போடும் நேரம்
ரெய்ட் வரும் ”போலீஸ்”


கூட்டத்தில் முண்டி அடிச்சு கைய வுட்டு
ரெண்டு டிக்கெட் என்று கேட்கும் பொழுது
ஹவுஸ் புல் என்று போர்ட் மாட்டும்
”கவுண்டர் ஆள்”

சைட் அடிக்கும் பிகர் ஏறிய பஸ்ஸில்
ஏறி ரூட் விடும் பொழுது சில்லரை
இல்லை இறங்குன்னு
இறக்கிவிடும் ”கண்டெக்டர்”


லோன் போட்டு புதுசா வாங்கிய
பைக்கை ஓட்டி பழக
கேட்கும் ”மச்சினன்”

நடுராத்திரி போன்
போட்டு தூங்கிட்டியா
மாப்பிள்ளைன்னு மப்பில் அனத்தும் ”நண்பன்”

பக்கத்து தெரு ஆயா வூட்டு
அட்ரஸையும்
சூப்பர் பிகர் பீட்டரா
கேட்கும் பொழுது ”இங்கிலீஸ்”

பிகரை பின்னாடி இருந்து
பார்த்துவிட்டு சைக்கிளில்
துரத்தி கிட்டக்க போகும்
பொழுது சடார் என்று கழண்டு
போகும் சைக்கிள் ”செயின்”

புதுசா குடிவந்த பெண்ணை
சைட் அடிச்சுக்கிட்டு இருக்கும் பொழுது
அதோட பிறந்தநாளுக்கு ‘அண்ணனுக்கு”
சாக்லெட் கொடும்மா
என்று சொல்லும் வீட்டு ”பெருசு”

கையில் காசு இல்லாமல்
நண்பர்களோடு
சாப்பிட போகும் பொழுது
கரெக்டா பில்லை நம்மிடம்
கொடுக்கும் ”சர்வர்”

Can U take up this challenge??

If you are confident, check your Power of Concentration


Concentrate "ONLY ON THE TENNIS BALL" for 30 Seconds....

Difference between Poor & Rich

The Poor one...



The Rich one ...

SMS Jokes

Daughter-Ma, when can you be sure that a man is thinking of SEX?
Ma-Hold your finger below his nose, If he is Breathing, then he is....

***************************************************
A person never smoked,
never drank,
no affair,
no girl friend,
no flirt

When he died Insurance Company refused claim
saying-

"JO JIYA hi nahi woh MARA kaise."

**************************************************

A malayali got burnt on his thighs.??
Dr. advised to apply burnol and take Viagra???
He asks: Burnol ok, but why Viagra?
Dr: It will keep your lungi away from wound!!!

**************************************************
Drink karo to ankhe LAL,
mahndi lagao to hath LAL,
kiss karo to hot LAL,
sex karo to popat LAL,
pakde gaye to gand LAL,
aur bach gaye to jiyo mere LAL.

**************************************************
Why LANGOTI is called LANGOTI?
SOCHO SOCHO

Because it covers LUND & GOTI!!!
**************************************************
Man-Dr. I have a red ring around my penis
Dr. Take this ointment

Next day

Man. Fantastic Doctor!! Its gone!! what did you give me?
Dr. Lipstick Remover :)
**************************************************

Why did the grammer teacher slap santa's son?

Because he asked: Why is BRA Singular, when it covers 2 items and
PANTIES plural when it covers only one item?

*************************************************
What is 7 inches long goes into wet hole moves front and back makes white form of liquid? Guess

*************************************************
Judge: Kya ap hume wo jagah bata sakte ho jagah apki wife ka rap hua?

Sardar ne apni wife ki sari utar ke panty kholli or bola "ETTHAY, MyLORD, Etthay...

*************************************************
Papa: Aaj School se itni jaldi kaise Aa gaye??

Sunny Machha Mara to Teacher ne Chutti de di

Papa: Aisa Kyu?

Sunny Machhar Teacher ki GAAND Par Baitha tha...
*************************************************

What is the common between BOSS and Sperm?

... one in thousand turns out to be a human being..!!!
*************************************************

Sardarni - Aaj 3 dakoo aye or meri izzat loot li

Sardar- Tum ne un ko roka nahi

Sardarni- Maine bahut roka lekin wo kehne lage ab hamein jaane do hum thak gaye hai.

*************************************************
Sardar washed his underwear & hung it to dry near neighbour's panty & put a note on it:

Please remind me to remove my underwear, when you remove your panty.....

*************************************************

2 NURSES wer discussing their SUHAGRAT
1st: 1st we did mouth to mouth respiration, then cardiac massage then cathiterisation & U?
2nd: Oh!! I just had an ENEMA
*************************************************

Time Please

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.



Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.



Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.



Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.



Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.



Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?



Young Man: Possible
Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you and you will admire my daughter.


Young Man: Smiles.
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.



Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.



Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.



Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch!

Man with no bad habits

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him.

The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."

"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".

He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health." The man smiled and took a bottle of whiskey from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again.

He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him.

Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man.

But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "I always wanted to show my wife how a man with no bad habits will look like."

Winner of the "It's Not My Job" award

Jokes Again....

Husband: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 churail kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,

Wife: Kaun si movie thi?

Husband: Apni shadi ki

**************************************************

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!

Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo

lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(

Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:-

to behan kuch or paka lo:-)

**************************************************

Wife:

Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay,

Main aap ko save karti,

Husband:

Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti,

Main her haftay tumhe change karta

**************************************************

How woman calls their husband in first 6 years

Yr 1.Janu

Yr 2.O G.

Yr 3.Sunte ho?

Yr 4.O bunty k pappa

Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?

Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?

**************************************************

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife

instead of shootingher lover?

Sardar:Your honour,

it's easier to shoot a woman once,

than shooting one man every week.

**************************************************

Man: Sir, my wife is missing.

Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,

police station me complain dijiyee.

Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare

kuch samajh nahin aa raha

**************************************************

Husband wife mein larai hoi,

Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kia hai"

Wife:Zeher.

Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:

**************************************************

Wife came home with a goat.

Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"

Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"

Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"

**************************************************

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.

Husband: What was that for..?

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket

with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week

and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again

Husband: What now..?

Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

**************************************************

Q: "chhatri aur chhokri mein kya farq hain?"

A: 1."chhatri ko button dabakar kholna padta hain aur chhokri ko button kholkar dabana padta hain"

2."chhatri barsat k mosam mai uppar hoti hai aur chokari niche ........

**************************************************

Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u goin?

Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.

Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?

Man: My wife...

**************************************************

Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?

Student: Father-in-Law!

**************************************************

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.

**************************************************

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

**************************************************

What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

**************************************************

Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.

Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?

Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.

Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.

Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!

**************************************************

Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

**************************************************

Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?

If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.

**************************************************

So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!

**************************************************

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.

**************************************************

Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons

**************************************************

Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

***************************************

Kid: Mummy Susu aayi hai, chaddi utaro.

Mummy: he bhagwan ye bhi kya zindagi hai...

Din hua to iski chaddi utaro, or raat hui to iske baap ki chaddi utaro.

***************************************

SIR : BACHCHO KASAM KHAO KABHI SHRAB,

CIGRET NAHI PIOGE, NON VEG NAHI KHAOGE.

BACHCHE : NAHI KHAENGE SIR.

SIR : KABHI LADKIYON KO LINE NAHI MAROGE

BACHCHE : THEEK HAI SIR.

SIR : JUA NAHI KHELOGE.

BACHCHE : OK SIR.

SIR : DESH KE LIYE JAAN BHI DE DOGE.

BACHCHE : DE DENGE SIR, AISI JAAN KA AUR KARENGE BHI KYA

****************************************************

Q: Why are c*ndoms transparent?

A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is

Restricted!

Q: Signboard outside a pr*stitute's house:

A: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

Q: New AIDS awareness slogan:

A: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position

with different women.

Q: Why is $ex like shaving?

A: Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll

have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?

A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left b**b bigger than right?

A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between a P*NTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?

A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you

pull down the P*NTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and a chewing gum?

A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless

later

3 ladies saw a dog screwing bitch violently

Doc wife: wow, they r enjoying life

Lawers wife: No its rape

Army Officer Wife: Lagta hai kutta leave pe ghar aya hai.

****************************************************