Jokes - 19+

16 saal ki ladki ne apni ma se puchha:
ye PYAR MOHBAT-ISHK-DIWANGI kya hai..
ma gahri saans lete hue boli..Kuch nahi beti sab free me "CHODNE" ke bahane hai...

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1 nangi ladki ne bar me peg ka order diya....
waiter usko dekhta hi rah gaya.....

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Lady:- kabhi nangi ladki nahi dekhi?
waiter:- main soch raha hun tu paise kaha se nikalegi.

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boy:- ladki ke samne pent utarrkar bola-kya tumhare aisa hai?
girl:- sawar utaar kar boli-jinke pass aisi hoti hai unke pass inki koi kami nahi hoti....

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Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

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Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks:

Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.


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A group of girlfriends is on holiday when they see a 5 story hotel with a sign that reads:

"For Women Only".

Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin."
The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

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Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I'm Hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...come on
Wife: Alright, I'll do it.
Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it.
Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: ! Oh, that's good.
Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
do it yourself.

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Once a smart kid named Pappu started praying Ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very pleased by Pappu's devotion. Ravan decided to appear before him and grant him 3 vardans (boons).
Ravan: "Tell me child, what do u want?"
Pappu: "i want 100 vardan's "
Ravan: "but i can give u only 3 vardans"
Pappu: "but i want 100 vardans"
Ravan: "no child, thats not possible "
Pappu: "no i want 100 means 100 "
Ravan: "no i can give u only 3 if u want then take or else i m going ."
Pappu: "ok but whatever 3 i ask u, will you grant me surely?"
Ravan: "sure, its promise from rakshas raj Ravan"
Pappu: "1st vardan, convert that GADA on ur shoulder to wodden bamboo stick"
Ravan: "tathastu" and his Gada turns into a stick.
Pappu: "second vardan, put that stick in ur a**hole"
Ravan: (confused but........)"tathastu" and in great pain asks pappu To ask for the third vardan asap...
Pappu: "now, are you giving me rest 98 vardans or should i ask for converting that stick again to GADA ??"